American Needs advice

[mac101]

Hello. I was looking for information on Indian dating. Let me start by describing the situation first.

I am a Masters student at an American University. Recently a young lady from India joined the Masters program on as an international student. We were put in to a team project together. We have gotten along well, and I find her highly intelligent, and extremely beautiful.

Now my delima. I am rather ignorant on Indian culture, though I am willing to learn as much as I need to. I would like to ask her out in a social setting, say for dinner or a movie. I do not want to offend her or behave in an inappropriate manner.

I would like any advice you can offer in how I should proceed. How do I approach her? (or is it any different than asking a non-international student out?) What types of things should I know before I ask her out?

Basically, I don't want to make a fool out of myself and I do not want to offend her in the process. So any advice that you can share?


Thank you for your help.
mac101

[sunilkumar]

Its Difficult for me mac to answer coz .... When i was in college i proposed one gal , she told me are you goen mad, do you have any brain or not ... and she insulted me bady ... and this was not the end .... i was insulted by his friend in my hostel also.... I was very decent .. never did any thing wrong to that gal .... still faced such an embracing moment ..... And you know after that i had never proposed any gal in my life i m still single.....:) many gal talks with me .. i am just there friend (we can say timepass friend) .. just like dust bin of emotion for them....ha ha ha ..... Hope you will not do the same mistake that i did .. ha ha ha ...

[India1989]

Me, I had crush with 2 girls and I lost both of them. Anyways embarrasement is just an embarrasment. Its just love and can happen to anyone. Just say it to the girl and if she disagrees then say its ok. I was just joking and you took it so seriously. See I am such a good actor.

[sunilkumar]

But i don't like to say lie..... like..." i was joking" to any girl who rejected my love proposal... because love is love... if any gal will refuse boy love proposal that never means boy dont love her.... :)... feeling comes from heart .... it work on brain.... & if we go through brain than it is all calculation..... Accept the truth and always say true other than if you want to save someonce life who is nice & morally correct and job of honest person.

[India1989]

Well I agree your point but when the girl humiliates you. If the guy proposes her then that doesn't mean that the girl will have to humiliate you. She can just say no and I will understand but saying no is kind of bit too much to keep quiet. Don't you think so.

[venky]

mac101, Im an indian guy but I will try to answer your questions to the best of my assessment. Some of my opinions below are generalizations to give a feel of situation. Specific girls may behave differently.

Since you know the girl well enough, just ask her out for lunch or dinner casually. You dont want to make it sounding very special to drive the girl defensive. Indian girls tend to be defensive in such matters

Try to ask questions about india, indian culture etc to find out what and how she thinks. I know some indian girls who are open to marry non indian men. What matters most is love. (Im talking about indian girls in US. I dont have contacts with indian girls in india.)

One of the biggest concerns indian girls have about non indian men is that they may not be faithful (general assumption is that non indian men would have had many sexual/love relations before). Indian girls may feel insecure that such non indian men would dump them if better women are found. It is very important to build that confidence in an indian woman that you will be faithful to her.

Find out her interests and see if you can involves yourself and her in such interests.

Indian girls may not be very forth coming even if they like you. Their willingness to be with you, enjoy your energy, sense of humor, friendliness etc are positive signs, but may not be sufficient to jump to any conclusions of love.

Indian women are also restricted because of their families. These families may expect their girls to marry indian guys only (some families are too restrictive in the sense that they would encourage a guy from the same caste to marry their girl). If you are lucky to gain the confidence of the girl, start talking to her parents if possible.

Dont try to rush in sexual matters. Indian girls in general may not prefer sex that soon. In the worst case, be patient till you get married to the girl. Your rush for sex may be perceived as symbolic of non-indian men who are viewed as interested in having sex and then dumping the girls.

You will need lot of patience to go through the whole process. As with any love matter, it will be worth it. Good luck :)

[Oregon]

GEESH. Learn to spell and speak proper English first. no 'girl' is going to be impressed with bad grammer. But still I wish you good luck.

[megrisoft]

Oregon, Venky's English is quiet good. Venky, Don't worry and keep on posting in the forum.
One thing for all, 'Never discourage anybody, if you don't have a courage to do so'.

[venky]

Oregon,
You are attacking the messenger here. You did not contribute anything to the post apart from that.
BTW, the 'ad hominem' method of attacking the messenger doesnt work always.
Your other statement is also demonstrating couple of logical fallacies. One dealing with a pre supposition that my grammar is bad and the other is appealing to consequences that bad grammar will not attract girls.

[Priyanka]

venky dont give tution to mac101 for how to make indian gal fall in love ..:D, When there is nochoice for us than only we go for international marriage other wise lot of Inidan male for us in India as well as abroad. ..:D

[India1989]

Yup that's right. I am waiting for one too.

[venky]

Priyanka, it is mac101 who has to say that I dont need to tell him anything.
What you said may be true that many indian girls will not go for non indian guys, but here is a guy who is asking a question for a specific girl that he knows. It doesnt hurt if we can honestly tell what we know.

[PlayBoy]

venky i will prefer American gal they are good and not shy when it comes to sex. gals globally are same, we need money to impress them, we must pamper them and give importance to her.... by this she will fall in love with you .... rest you know boys ....;)

[India1989]

i am all out for Indian girls. thats it. They are the best.

[venky]

Im not quite sure if I would say indian girls are the best. ( :o Dont beat me my country women!) They may be more compatible for me due to many similarities.

But if we understand and overcome cultural differences, and are ready to go that extra mile in overcoming our narrowed perceptions about girls from other countries, cultures etc, many such girls are outstanding lifetime companions. Excuse me for stating the obvious.

I hope to overcome my 'perceptions', 'colored glasses' in reaching out for one among these :)

[sunilkumar]

I am not in contact with any gal those who are from usa or other western county ( i mean to say with different culture all together not indian) i will like to have friendship with them, but other than this forum i don't have any oppurtunity to know them, so what they will show me on this forum i will have their view accordingly and i dont send private message to any one :D through this forum. but If some one sends me private message i definatly reply them.

venky is it your personal opinion ==> I m not quite sure if I would say indian girls are the best.

venky if you know indian gal than please let me know ...:D .... i will marry her than i will fall in love with her.

[venky]

venky is it your personal opinion ==> I m not quite sure if I would say indian girls are the best.
Yes it is.
venky if you know indian gal than please let me know ... .... i will marry her than i will fall in love with her.
I know many indian girls here. :) Im not sure if I can recommend you at this time (considering our limited web rapport on this forum and lack of in person interaction)
Good luck !

I didnt know that we can send private messages through such forums.

[sunilkumar]

venky by this forum we can send private message , you can see at the right top corner of this web page near log Out <-- link .......above that there is link for private message.........

[India1989]

Indian girls common support your Indian friend who are guys. we need you support.

[venky]

Thanks Sunil.:D

[General]

The best way to deal with Indian girls is to proceed very slowly. First go out for a cup of coffe and chat for a long time. Ask her lot of questions, make her talk and you listen well. Do this kind of chats for two or three times then if everything goes okay then ask her out for dinner or for some game. Make sure she feels secure. Take her out for a movie only after you have gone out with her couple times for dinner. Don't rush. I hope this helps.

[abhiace9]

@ mac:-
never try to impress girls...
i mean they are really very difficult to understand...
no personal experiences....

@ girls in this forum:-
please do not be offended...
i m just trying to add a little humour in here....
no hard feelings..
i m not a sexist...
neither am i intending to insult the womenfolk....
keeping my fingers crossed as i hope to keep this matter inflammable :)

in my advice:-
jus be the way you are and she is bound to fall for you.... :cool:
but 2 b frank, its gonna be a hard days work...
all the best...

@ evrybody:-
please dont mind my typing.... mine is more of those SMS CHAT LINGO...
hope you dont mind...
neways I'll try to type in our normal plain english readable by all...

thanks!!!

[abhiace9]

@ venky:-

i guess you can share your own views as I think you are the only member at this forum who is in USA...

probably you can start a new thread on that new topic....

[renu]

venky ..all i wanna say is that...its good that atleast u took the pain to write an answer to mac. It might mean alot to him.

does it MAC?

[rohit khaitan]

Buddy...thats my assessment of how a indian girl thinks...

You must be a price charming.. who will come on a white horse and take her away... (these days white mercedes could be a substitute for horse)

you should be intelligent, smat, have good sense of humour,

you should be loving, caring, always besides her...

you should be capable of reading her mind and behaving accordingly..


And with all the intelligence and wealth in the world you should be his slave.
Tell me girls if i am lying... lol

So by now u have the list of dos...

Now the list of donts....

Dont u dare touch her with sex on mind.. (sex is something dirty u know... u r dating an indian girl....lol, and if at all she lets u .. it will be above the waist, she has to save something post marriage)

I think that one point alone sums up the story.. Anyways all the best.....