No Username
05-16-2005, 12:09 AM
Instead of the regular introduction here is my resume:
CURRICULUM VITAE
===============
I am a dynamic figure, often seen surfing the net and crushing ice.
I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.
I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. I write award winning operas. I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing.
I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed.
I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of cheap booze, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.
I play bluegrass cello.
I bake thirty-minute Brownies in ten minutes.
I was scouted by the Mets.
I am the subject of numerous documentaries.
When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my backyard.
I enjoy urban hang-gliding at night.
On Wednesdays, after lunch, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don't perspire.
I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.
Last summer I toured the Yukon with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration.
I have translated Hemingway's Short Stories in easy to follow Latin.
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.
Children trust me.
I communicate with alligators in the Okefenokee Swamp.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.
I play chess tournaments blindfolded.
I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.
I once drove from Toronto to Vancouver while reading Tolstoy's War and Peace.
I have performed several covert operations for the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police).
I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.
While on vacation in the USA, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.
I speak twelve languages including Hottentot and Swahili.
Years ago I designed a Chinese typewriter using only five keys.
I once sailed a ferry in the Arctic, using it as an ice-breaker.
The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I can stop the laws of gravity at will.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.
On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a wok and a toaster oven.
I speak frequently at astronomy seminars explaining what happened before the Big Bang.
I breed prizewinning clams.
I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.
I have played Hamlet.
I have performed open-heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis.
But......I have never been a member of an Indian forum!... Until now! :D :D :D
CURRICULUM VITAE
===============
I am a dynamic figure, often seen surfing the net and crushing ice.
I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.
I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. I write award winning operas. I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing.
I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed.
I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of cheap booze, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.
I play bluegrass cello.
I bake thirty-minute Brownies in ten minutes.
I was scouted by the Mets.
I am the subject of numerous documentaries.
When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my backyard.
I enjoy urban hang-gliding at night.
On Wednesdays, after lunch, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don't perspire.
I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.
Last summer I toured the Yukon with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration.
I have translated Hemingway's Short Stories in easy to follow Latin.
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.
Children trust me.
I communicate with alligators in the Okefenokee Swamp.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.
I play chess tournaments blindfolded.
I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.
I once drove from Toronto to Vancouver while reading Tolstoy's War and Peace.
I have performed several covert operations for the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police).
I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.
While on vacation in the USA, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.
I speak twelve languages including Hottentot and Swahili.
Years ago I designed a Chinese typewriter using only five keys.
I once sailed a ferry in the Arctic, using it as an ice-breaker.
The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I can stop the laws of gravity at will.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.
On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a wok and a toaster oven.
I speak frequently at astronomy seminars explaining what happened before the Big Bang.
I breed prizewinning clams.
I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.
I have played Hamlet.
I have performed open-heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis.
But......I have never been a member of an Indian forum!... Until now! :D :D :D