I Don't Want To Get Arranged, Dad!

[Jatt]

ARRANGE MARRIGES VS LOVE (http://www.chandigarhcity.com/love/lovetips.htm) MARRIGES

LOVE MARRIGES

Love marriages offer more independence and freedom as compared to arranged marriages where the girl/boy is chosen by the parents so there is pressure to conform to parental expectations like producing a male heir, taking part in family rituals and traditions, putting up with sisters-in-laws, contributing to family expenses etc. One of the usual questions against an arranged marriage is that how can you marry somebody you don't know. Knowing somebody before marriage (http://www.indiabook.com/matrimonial/index.html) allows partners to have better respect and understanding for each other's needs and desires. This way they are better adjusted in the marriage when they finally take their wedding vows.


ARRANGED MARRIGES
Coming to arranged marriages, they offer more protection, security to the women. There is not much pressure on the women to look like models (http://www.chandigarhcity.com/models/index.htm). Parents employ maturity and wise judgment when choosing suitable spouses for their children. Sometimes it helps to rely on another person's opinion and experience when selecting one's partner especially when the people marrying are young and need guidance and advice in marrying a suitable person.

MORALE:

It becomes difficult therefore to predict the ideal sort of marriage. So ultimately it is up to the individual to decide whether he wants to have a love or an arranged marriage after all it is a question of being happy in love.

[lilbit]

I totally agree with getting married to someone you love verses an arranged marriage. But I am not from this culture so I don't want to say too much. I'm not against arranged marriages.

[s_w_a_m_i]

advice direct from heaven - don't marry.

[hairbraid]

I and an Indian guy fall in love with each other for 5 months. We have very wonderful time together, and I plan a lot for our love. But one day, he told me that his parents find out a girl for him, and they will engage in this November :( ... Everything is broken up. I feel hurt a lot , and I beleive he is in the same mood. But he said that he didn't want to make his family sad of him, beside it, he couldn't tell his parents about me because I'm not Indian.
Sorry to day this thing. I like India culture a lot , everything of India culture except this traditional thing. I hate it, ( include him also, he has not brave to fight for our love...)
Anyway, I feel it's very unfair for girls. It seems girls are goods that men can come and chose which one is good... Maybe because I'm not in this culture, so that I can't understand ...
We are still friends but ...

[june55]

If ever I get married, I'd marry out of love, not because I was arranged.

[Fitsy]

I'm not in this culture too, so I can't very hunderstand why there are arranged marriages... I don't know everything of this culture, so I can't very judge... But I notice that all the stories I know about arranged marriage tell a story where the characters are not very happy at all....

[tina_punjabi]

Parents feel in our culture that they respected there parents, hence there children should do the same. I agree about respecting ones parents but not for the sake of your happiness. Have we not as Indian kids obeyed our parents, listened not dated, not gone to parties, nor take any drugs or smoke. Yet parents see what they want to see, any child who goes against the norm of indian society and culture is banished and looked down upon. God brings love into just a few blessed souls and those that cherish it, are told to let go and live a life that gives only there parents happiness. But I truly believe in the power of love, love is god himself.

That is why I don't understand tradition and listening to our parents when it comes to our ultimate happiness. If you can scarfice your love for your parents happiness it was NEVER love to begin with, but an infatuation, passion something you desired for the moment. But if you can FIGHt for that love and it is worth dying for then by all means even God himself would want you to follow it. Because God askes you why did you leave him/her? You can hold your head high and say because I knew I could not fight for him/her and he/she did not deserve me. Then you can look at your parents n your life and know it was not in vain.

"If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?" - Copy to Clipboard
-- William Shakespeare

[Shayri]

One thing I have learned in life is that there are no guarantees about anything. Whether it's a love marriage or an arranged marriage, there is always a possibility, however small it may be, that one day you will get divorced or at the very least be miserable with your partner. Because things change, and people change. You can never tell for certain what's going to happen five years down the road.

I am all for the love marriage. One of the main reason: I can't marry someone I don't know. Also, marriage is the ultimate committment, and why should I commit to person I don't care about? Then there is the fact that if in future it does not work out then I would have wasted all those years of my life because my parents said so. If a love marriage does not work out then at least it will be my own fault, and I won't have to wonder that what if I hadn't listened to my parents.

Life is too important to dwelve over "what ifs". We need to make our own decisions in life. Our parents generation grew up in a different time. Traditions are all very well, but we cannot let them run our life. Because our life is all we have to call truly our own.

SHAYRI

[hairbraid]

Thanks Shayri, as least there is one Indian guy have that thaught here...

[sandeepbajwa]

Arranged or love marriage only things that work are

1. Commitment to the relationship.
2. No hidden Secrets (unexpected surprises later).
3. Responsibility to make the relationship and family work.
4. Financial ability to sustain the relationship in future.

and both lead to marriage and ultimately family with children.
So if you want to be a good mom and dad start now with relationship.
HOW?

1. Take your ego out., and look at the relationship as a third person.
2. Accept that you will live with the person x years from now and not your parents.
3. Get to know the tib bits of habbits of the person, the
little knicks and knacks that you like or don't.

JUST DON'T BLINDLY REBEL AGAINST HIGHER AUTHORITIES. THEY HAVE BETTER EXPERIENCE.

[matrimonials]

Guys/Gals,

Thought of a topic for Indian Matrimonials for Indians in India and abroad. :laugh:

Hope that we could meet here for matrimonials and for the same. :whistle:

I have listed out good matrimonial sites for Hindu , Christians , Catholic , Muslim for all languages like tamil , hindi , malayalam , telugu , kannada , etc., and for all states like kerala , tamil nadu , andhra , maharastra , tec ., and all cities like delhi , chennai , pune , etc .,

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ :grin:






ARRANGE MARRIGES VS LOVE (http://www.chandigarhcity.com/love/lovetips.htm) MARRIGES

LOVE MARRIGES

Love marriages offer more independence and freedom as compared to arranged marriages where the girl/boy is chosen by the parents so there is pressure to conform to parental expectations like producing a male heir, taking part in family rituals and traditions, putting up with sisters-in-laws, contributing to family expenses etc. One of the usual questions against an arranged marriage is that how can you marry somebody you don't know. Knowing somebody before marriage (http://www.indiabook.com/matrimonial/index.html) allows partners to have better respect and understanding for each other's needs and desires. This way they are better adjusted in the marriage when they finally take their wedding vows.


ARRANGED MARRIGES
Coming to arranged marriages, they offer more protection, security to the women. There is not much pressure on the women to look like models (http://www.chandigarhcity.com/models/index.htm). Parents employ maturity and wise judgment when choosing suitable spouses for their children. Sometimes it helps to rely on another person's opinion and experience when selecting one's partner especially when the people marrying are young and need guidance and advice in marrying a suitable person.

MORALE:

It becomes difficult therefore to predict the ideal sort of marriage. So ultimately it is up to the individual to decide whether he wants to have a love or an arranged marriage after all it is a question of being happy in love.

[ddmcneill]

I was reading this post and I must say this is very interesting. I was told that "a man that stands for nothing will fall for everything” Marriage is about love. I see so many Indians marriages that are strictly based out of arrangement not love I see people that are coexisting not living, . God himself could not pull me away from my true love. I’ll die for my parents but I live to be happy.

[sunilkumar]

hey What do you thing how arrange marriage is doen....?.. I wil tell you

In arrange marriage ... boy and gal are meet with the permision of their parent and if things dosen't work between them then they say to their parent and process of alliance between that two family(i.e. boys & gals family) related to marriage is stoped.

Well i want to say in case of ....hairbraid <--- Junior Member... she loved indian guy who is going to marry indian gal as his parent had decided .. but if boy wish he can go against his parent and can marry hairbraid. Frankly speaking he just enjoyed every thing with you and he is like other hippocrates... he must have guts to stand with you in this situation ... and if he marry you then after some time his father/family will accpet you as their daughter in law... Its just matter of guts and how much he trust you hairbraid.

hairbraid.<-- One thing more male cannot come and chose any gal they like in india. ..ha ha ha...

In arrange marriage First of all two family decide that its better to make alliance between two family or not ,,, coz we are social animal and we live in society we have to maintain all relation ship and if boy is not in love with any gal and gal is not in love with any boy then whats wrong in arrange marriage ....

for love marriage Male needs guts to speak out to female that he loves her.... and this is the difficult task ... may be in usa and other western country this may be esay but in india if she get angry of this love proposal than all neighbour of gal will come to fight with boy as she is there sister and male had doen some thing wrong .... so in india for male like me arrange marrige is only possible.... And If female will love any male then also they will never propose...... so for them also... arrange marriage is the only option....

Regards
Always Friend sunilkumar

[monica]

Love marriages or arranged marriages

Love marriages is marriage to someone who has been a person’s beloved.
Arranged marriage is a marriage to someone who is unknown to you.

Whether marriage is arranged or love marriage, its success depends upon many factors.
Even love marriages can break up after sometime.
Priorities change after marriage.
Lot of responsibilities is there after marriage.

There are many things which can lead to misunderstanding between a couple.
There may be ego clash, financial instability and many other factors which are responsible which can lead to adjustment problems.

So to make a marriage successful is not dependent upon whether it is love or arranged.

[Lancelot]

I personally believe that you are right. I will pray to god that you get what you want.

[rock123]

I am totally appreciated you love marriage is better then arrange marriage.
Jatt boy I think you are going absolutely right way.
best of luck:D

rock123

(http://www.shahexport.com)